10 Free Opening Lines for 10 Unwritten Novels

It’s late. A half-finished cup of coffee sits beside your computer, and as you reach for another Tylenol, you shout, “I know I can be the next great novelist if I can only come up with a #!!#!! opening!”

If this sounds familiar to you, rest assured. As a writer who has struggled through such moments, I know how frustrating they can be. Yet I also know how quickly they disappear once you find the right lightbulb.

In other words, if all you need is the right kick-start, here are ten free opening lines to ten unwritten novels. I only ask one thing.

Should you land some publishing deal, please invite me to the schmancy launch party.

I promise that I won’t tell anyone where you got the opening line that inspired your kickass novel. Yet I can’t promise that I won’t stealthily slip out the back door with platters of free launch-party sandwiches while everyone else sits mesmerized while you read from your awesome book.

Hey. Fair’s fair. Anyhoo, enjoy.

The Chiropractor’s Ransom Note (Free Opening Line #1)

David desperately ran through the jungle, leaping over gullies and fallen trees with near-superhuman speed as he raced to deliver the kidnappers’ ransom note on time and save his chiropractor’s life. Yet when he reached the police station, David discovered to his horror that the ransom note was blank. “Oh why did the kidnappers write their demands on an Etch A Sketch?!” he cried.

Wishful Texting (Free Opening Line #2)

Caitlin kept texting and texting, wondering why her friend Brianne hadn’t responded, until she realized she’d spent the morning texting on her TV remote. Caitlin was no stranger to technology but she certainly needed to stop drinking so early in the day.

Clockwork Oranges (Free Opening Line #3)

My mother always said, “Oranges are good for you.” Yet when that fruit truck jackknifed on Concession 5 and all those oranges came thundering toward me, I thought, “No, this is not going to be good for me at all.”

Every Breath You Suck (Free Opening Line #4)

Popular wisdom held that “Life isn’t about how many breaths you take,” but scuba diver Trent Beamsley was pretty sure that it was.

Eat, Pray, Ambulance Ride (Free Opening Line #5)

Steve had heard that love means never having to say you’re sorry. So after he accidentally tipped a plate of nachos into Barb’s lap and subsequently sat there mutely unapologetic, he couldn’t understand why she clocked him in the head with a napkin dispenser. Love perhaps meant never having to say you’re sorry, but it sure meant the occasional trip in the back of an ambulance.

Murder Most Aquaman (Free Opening Line #6)

The murder weapon was a trident, so Detective O’Brien immediately short-listed Aquaman as a suspect. O’Brien had once been a great detective, but at that moment, everyone knew that he’d again gone off his meds.

Gnarled Dickens (Free Opening Line #7)

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. So clearly, you can see that I’m extremely confused.

Purple Epiphany (Free Opening Line #8)

In the time it took to fall from the garage roof to the compost pile below, Evan discovered a word that rhymed with purple.

Gravity: A Tale of Loathing (Free Opening Line #9)

Everyone else said the world was round. Yet having fallen from the stepladder to the kitchen floor, Eric knew the world was flat. Specifically, it was covered with linoleum, along with a sticky combination of milk, orange juice and oatmeal from the breakfast he’d smacked from the counter on the way down. “It’s going to be a horrible day,” he groaned, but lying level as he was to the underside of the refrigerator, he saw a quarter. So he could at least smile knowing he was already 8% of the way to having enough money to do the laundry.

Pride and Predictability (Free Opening Line #10)

In my family, there was no recognizable line between predictability and plain boredom—a state that one day moved my father to take up tap dancing, and just as my mother predicted, he eventually stepped on the cat.