How Mystery and Intrigue Compelled a 22.5% Conversion Rate

Some while ago, I faced a copywriting challenge. A product manager needed employee volunteers to test the purchasing functionality of a new e-store before opening the store to real customers. The problem was, the test period was two weeks long, just before Christmas. Employees were busy and there was nothing to incentivize them except a free company T-shirt, so I formulated a solution. I used mystery and intrigue to compel interest while adding in the benefit of experiencing what it would feel like to spend someone else’s money, all threaded together with a personable, conversational and even kitschy tone.

The result?

Out of 71 people, 16 people signed up for a conversion rate of 22.5%.

Here’s the email I wrote:

Subject Line: Win a Mystery Gift Prize—By Spending Someone Else’s Money!

Hey everyone!

Have you ever wanted to win your very own mystery gift prize while enjoying what it feels like to spend someone else’s money?

If so, then this is your invitation to get in on XXXXX’s e-store trial for your chance to score that sweet mystery gift!

XXXXX’s e-store is about to launch, and while we believe we’ve smashed the last of the bugs, we need your help with the final sweep. This basically involves doing a few tests from November 19th to December 4th and making purchases of XXXXX using test credit cards.

Our mission is to automate online sales of XXXXX to help [customers] reach new frontiers in their [business], and with your help, we know that we can reach that goal. Yet we know something else.

With the holidays just around the corner, we realize you may be stretched for time, so the word “testing” may not sound appealing.

That’s why one lucky participant will be randomly chosen to receive a XXXXX mystery gift!

Is it bigger than a smartphone? Is it smaller than a breakfast burrito?

The real question is, are you in?

Sign-up deadline is noon on Friday, November 16th.

>> I love mysteries! Sign me up now!

After you register, we’ll contact you with your test kit before it’s time to blast off.

Thanks!

XXXXX